It is becoming more common for people to say they have no close friends. This is a phenomenon that is largely attributed to are disjointed society and a symptom of the internet, social media, and cell phones.
These days, it's getting easier and easier to ignore the people around you. This makes it easier to live in your own microcosm and be isolated from others. It usually starts as a matter of convenience but can become a lifestyle.
I myself have no close friends. I am married, have a child on the way, but unfortunately my friends seemed to gradually disappear. I have no regrets though. I'm lucky to have a great life and am fulfilled.
However, I know that professionals will tell me that I need social connections. While I know there is truth to this, I believe I have a different disposition than other people. Instead of feeling bad about it, I have been able to thrive do to my friendless condition.
This is because I have many outlets. That's the key I think. If you have minimal or no friends you need to stay busy and have hobbies that occupy your time and are meaningful.
Don't get me wrong though, you will have bad days. You will long for friendships. However, if you are able to you can thrive without friends. If nothing else you can do this as a means to an end. Sometimes it's necessary to find a coping mechanism to help you through something. Friends are a coping mechanism, and without them you simply need to get more creative. That's what I've done, and so far it has worked.
It's almost my time. I Googled "some people are destined to be friendless" to see if others have experiences similar to mine. I was encouraged on reading this article's title, thinking the article would detail HOW to live a life without any friends.
ReplyDeleteImagine my consternation on reading that the author is married with a child on the way. Unless by "friend" someone means "buddy," I do not consider anyone who's happily married with a young child soon to join the family "friendless." If you're married, it means someone loves you very much, and you love that person back. And even though parents can't always be their children's friends, another person is about to come into existence who'll love you very much--at least until they're a teen--and whom you'll adore back. That's two best friends.
I don't know why I'm so irate right now. Or maybe I do, but I'm too ashamed to put words to it. Then the author goes on about how he's happily successful. It feels like someone rubbing my face in the cesspool of loneliness I live in. Those of us who're friendless are not lay-abouts, necessarily. We DO stay busy. We've already thought of or heard that advice, but despite keeping busy from the time we wake in the morning 'til the time we fall asleep at night, busy-ness is no cure for loneliness.
And as far as staying busy as a means to an end... What "end"? I don't want to live life JUST to work and work and work so I can distract myself from how miserable and lonely I am. I'm not interested in rushing through life, distracting myself.
Which is why this is my time. I've lived long enough to realize that for whatever reasons, I'm not attractive to my fellow human beings. Worse, I'm an extrovert by nature. I crave the company of others like I crave water after running in the hot sun for hours. I read an article recently by a clinical psychologist about "skin hunger." His work shows that humans NEED and crave companionship (I'm not talking about sex...) and intimacy, and he likens the symptoms of depression and other physical ailments that arise if this need isn't met to what happens when a human being starves (nutrition). He concludes, and I agree, that the yearning for companionship isn't just "in the head," or a feeling of entitlement some just need to get over. He describes it as a legitimate biological need.
Anyhow, I guess there's no solution to being friendless if you're weird enough, unattractive enough. Because you can't MAKE other people want to be around you. I actually also read other articles concluding that you can be "too nice," or "too friendly." People will make up ANY reason to justify not liking you...
If I were married, I wouldn't give a flying F*C# about any of this. Because I'd have someone else to speak to, joke around with, catch movies with, lounge around the house on a lazy Sunday afternoon reading with. I'd have someone else. No, I wouldn't crowd the person's space, and I wouldn't become unhealthily dependent on the person. It would just be great knowing that at some point in the week I'd have someone to see and speak with.
So unless you've got no one in your life who cares about you, please spare me the "I've-got-no-friends" bit because all you'll get from me is an epic eye-roll.